EcoHoma Gifting 2012

You might remember this post from last year in which I am thinking a bit too hard about what it means to give gifts and what is and is not an appropriate way to go about it, unnecessarily strategizing and maybe sounding just a tad irritated.

Well, I'm not doing that sort of heavy analysis over gifting anymore. When it comes down to it, I really am just trying to think about what a person would most appreciate, which I can afford, which they may not get otherwise. 

This year, it just so happened that several of the gifts still were win-win on the eco-ethics, sustainability front. Yay! And I got to do some early gifting, so it's ok to share some of them here. This year, I leaned way towards the handmade and food side. I figured anyone can go to the store and get what they like, so making something myself seems more special and more personal. I even opted, purposefully, to hand write everything. Because we seem overwhelmed with professional computer-made products these days. Handwriting almost feels cozy and fun to me since I now see it less frequently. 

1. Home made tea blends (using unbleached coffee filters and garden herbs)

2. Jars of flower seed (collected from my garden, with planting instructions)

3. Magnet boards (made from old cookie sheets and leftover paint - I was excited - I got this one to come out kind of speckled looking!)

4. Handmade floral sachets (using flower petals collected during the growing season and pretty fabric scraps)

5. Re-used neat cloth sacks from other purchases for gift bags (here: bags from flour and rice)

6. Bottles of Oklahoma Wine - No pic for this one, but when buying for others I always choose Sparks' Deep Fork Red, because I have never met anyone who didn't like it! Well. No one who likes alcoholic beverages, that is (my only friend who does not like Deep Fork Red simply does not like alcohol) . This wine has now been an official hit at two holiday potluck dinners and one game of Dirty Santa.

Confessions of a Grinch - the Battle Plan

Notice a difference in my December postings? There's a reason for that, and it's time I came clean.

Hi. I’m a Grinch.

 

I know, no one likes a Grinch (not even Grinches), but I’m being honest here.

I didn’t used to be this way. But lately, every year, I have become just a little bit more… and then a little bit more… well, Grinchy. Until this year I began to get my Grinch on in early October. That’s when I knew it was time to make a battle plan. So far the Battle Plan has been doing a passable job. I feel less stressed about the holidays now than I did a month ago (thank goodness!) This is the battle plan:

1.       Try new ways of thinking

 One of the first things I noticed is that if I make a negative comment about the holidays, even a positive-minded person will respond with their own negative comment! We’ll have a supportive, sympathetic, mini-gripe fest. In the end this is not helpful to me. I don’t want to re-enforce my negative thoughts! I have enough of them without trading them around like baseball cards. Besides, I feel guilty for giving them my crappy baseball card. So the first order of business became: Quit complaining!

The second order of business became seeking patience and gratitude… which is easier said than done when it comes to emotional responses and perceived-to-be-stressful situations.

Wikimedia Commons

So that led me to utilize some of my Paperback Swap credits to get books on meditation and anxiety reduction. I go through them slowly, doing every exercise on the way, whether or not I think it will work, and whether or not I’ve tried it before.  Because hey – you never know – this part of the battle plan is about the trying. One of the exercises even helped me refine my anti-Grinch battle plan.

I also found a free lunch-time class on meditation at the Downtown Library, graciously offered by Wayne McEvilly. I am trying out the tools he taught us on using mantras.

My husband casually reminded me a few weeks ago about the studies that suggest smiling makes you happy, even if you weren’t already. Something about smiling triggering your brain to make the happies. Well. I have tried – when no one is looking, say, in the car for example, just smiling for no reason at all. Like a crazy person. I keep practicing it. (Don’t tell my husband; he might think I pay attention to him!)

2.       Remember my yoga

One of the reasons for my Grinching is that I hold a long to-do list in my head at all times. If not careful, I lose track of my linear perception of time. I feel that everything on my to-do list has to be done NOW, that all the parties and events are happening tomorrow. In short, my brain will condense all the activity over the three-month holiday marathon into one finite perpetual moment. I forget to Be Present.  I forget to Be Now.

So I am making a more concerted effort to be fully in the moment – to remember that all I have to do right now – is what I am doing right now. And all I have to worry about right now – is what I am doing right now. Now. Now. Now. Be present now.

3.       If I don’t have to… I don’t have to!

I’m usually a “Git ‘er done” kind of gal, but in honor of the holidays I’ve given myself Permission to Slack. I’ve bowed down from most of my usual holiday cooking and I’ve pushed several tasks and decisions off until January. So if it doesn’t need to be done right away… it’s not gonna. Less to worry about. If I earn some free time through this process, I spend it on Yours Truly, lazily and selfishly.

4.       Loads of extra exercise

Extra exercise not only reduces my concerns about becoming less healthy as a result of holiday temptations, it also naturally increases mood and energy levels.

...from my former life as a yoga teacher

I have been taking an exercise class almost every day. My goal is 5 days a week. I’ve also hit 6 days some weeks. I’m going to have to be gracious on other weeks and accept less-strenuous alternatives or breaks as the holidays make more time demands. During Thanksgiving, for example, I had to count walks around the neighborhood as my daily exercise.

I’m taking classes from three different exercise businesses – a yoga studio, a dance studio, and a pilates studio. The constant changes in how I move my body on a daily basis is helping minimize muscle fatigue and it’s keeping me interested and motivated. 

I’m going to be honest here – I can’t afford to live like this. I calculated that, full price, taking so many classes from so many facilities would cost me something like $3000 a year to maintain. I am doing it now through a combination of regular cash, trade, and Living Social vouchers. But I like it so much I think I’ll treat myself like this every November and December.  I feel like this is helping me behave like a sane person more than any of my other devised Grinch medicines.

Ethical Christmases and “That Weird Relative”

I waffle back and forth on my Christmas tactics from year to year. Not just for environmental reasons, but also for financial reasons, ‘what do people really want’ reasons, anti-corporatism, Okie patriotism, the list goes on.  And then, on top of that, I’m an American: I love buying my friends funny t-shirts and other kitchy gadgets and doo-dads as much as the next person.  Year to year my gift-giving themes are based on my mood and personal ethical goals as much as on my financial stability. I think I’ve started to settle into a routine, though. One year I will shop ethically – looking for all-local and all-eco friendly gifts with a sprinkling of handmade items, and then the next year I will shop like a normal person. I feel this will keep me from turning into “that weird relative” who always buys you what they think you should want instead of what you would actually like to have. Because as much as *I* am excited about re-usable sandwich bags or clever ornaments from local artists - does not mean someone else will be. And sometimes I like something so much I convince myself that everyone else likes it, too.

I also have a love/hate relationship with Christmas. Sometimes I will be very bah-humbug, convinced that people should actually be saying “Merry Fun Yet Useless Stuff!” rather than Merry Christmas, and “Do what you want,” sometimes means “If you don’t follow tradition I will cry”. I have found that as much as people say it is not about gifts, most of them have no qualms about remembering the Year You Did Not Give Me a Present. In fact, I have found that if my gift is not good enough, they will forget I gave them a gift at all – I should have just saved my money!  That was me last year. I hated buying crap for people who already had too much crap just so they would still know I cared about them, and I hated spending half my month at other people’s houses while the gobs of social interaction jangled my nerves, my dogs were neglected and my house chores piled up to the ceiling, just because getting together at another time of year was not acceptable because it was not Christmas time.

But this year, I’m right back to looking forward to laying around at my relatives’ and friends’ houses for long hours while we all laugh and eat cookies; I’m back to buying everyone every little thing I think they want just because I’m excited to see them smile when they open their gifts. I’m back to admiring my Christmas tree even while I ponder how energy inefficient Christmas lights are, and how I need to buy LED tree lights when they go on clearance in January. Back to planning cooking sprees to make candies and gingerbread cookies. This year is Christmas is Christmas again.

So here are my various efforts at making Christmas giving ethical, and their outcomes. If you find this to be TMI, I’m going to cut to the chase and tell you that in my experience, creative Christmas gift-giving works and is appreciated, but only if I change it up every year. :

      1.      I Made It

When I was in high school I tried making people gifts. I was crafty; I could make all sorts of things. I made bookmarks, jewelry, ornaments, clay figurines, painted rocks (really), mixed cassettes (remember those?), and decorated writing pens for people. After a few years I learned that, even if you make someone the best, coolest necklace you’ve ever made, it won’t be useful to them unless they would have wanted that same necklace if it were in the store. Just because it’s nice craftsmanship, and you made it, does not mean they will want to use it.  Most of these gifts wound up on a shelf, because “it’s so pretty! You made it!” but remained unused. I also learned that I’m not such a good judge at guessing people’s style preferences.

      2.      Food

In college I learned to bake. EVERYONE got plates cookies of various flavors for Christmas! And really, they loved it. The first year. The second year they thought it was nice. And then after that, I kind of felt as though I was giving them cookies as a cop-out because I didn’t want to go buy presents. So then people got presents AND cookies. And then everyone started going on diets. And I finally quit making cookies because they would eat the cookies in front of me while complaining about how it is so hard to keep your weight down and eat healthy during the holidays and how they are too heavy or pre-diabetic or watching their cholesterol. (Awkward!)  I haven’t made cookies the past 2-3 years, but I will again this year. My uncle specifically requested them.

Also… the year I boxed a whole pineapple for Dirty Santa? Well, I still think it was a good idea, but my family will NOT let me live it down! Apparently I am the only one who is excited about getting fruit for Christmas.

3.      Recycled Gift Wrap

One year I refused to buy gift wrap, or to use traditional gift wrap. I used paper bags, printer paper, newspaper, and cloth bundles with ribbon or twine holding them together. Some people thought it was tacky. Mostly they seemed to think it was lazy or cheap. Some people really didn’t care – wouldn’t have minded if I’d left the wrapping off altogether. If I decorated the wrapping by drawing pictures on it and writing messages, they carefully unwrapped the gift and kept the wrapping awkwardly on a shelf, not sure what to do with this strange new form of artwork I’d given them.  And here I have to add that my family has always been amused by my wrapping style, because I have never liked scotch tape. I use little bits of packing tape instead. So the packing tape with paper bags was seen as extra odd.

4.      Let’s Spend Time Together

One year, when people seemed extra focused on trying to get rid of their Extra Stuff, I made coupons. Mostly, I offered to take them out to lunch or dinner, a picnic, the lake, a yoga class together, or some such. I thought they would rather spend time with me than get more junk they already have (and I would certainly rather spend time with them!), so I made up little vouchers and put them in cards. The first time around people seemed to like it, and they also seemed to like having a freebie fun date waiting for them whenever they wanted to use it. It was financially convenient because Christmas giving was spread out through the year. But if I kept giving the same person vouchers for dinner / lunch dates, they quit cashing them in. Even if I reminded them that I owed them dinner, they became too busy for the entire year. And so I quit giving these out, too.

5.      Go Have Fun / Gift Certificates

We all know this one… and it is a good option. But it just seems unpersonal to me. It’s just more fun to give something specific, that let’s the person know you really considered them and hand-picked a special gift. There are exceptions, though. For example, I have a newly married relative, and I like to give him and his wife free dates as gifts. Movie tickets for two, or enough money for two to eat at a nice restaurant or see a play, etc.  They seem to really enjoy it, and I enjoy giving it to them. I feel like I’m helping them strengthen their relationship and giving them something that’s truly fun and meaningful. These types of gifts are probably also good for new parents, stressed caretakers, workaholics, college students, or anyone who seems they may need some fun time to relax but might not have the funds or gumption to do it on their own.

6.      Sneaky Eco-Presents

Last year I vowed to buy 100% ethical gifts. Every gift was locally made, or had an environmental slant to it. Because I was still determined to buy people gifts that they would appreciate, I had to be extra careful with my shopping. It took a lot of time to comb through art shows and craft fairs and boutiques, but I had a lot of fun doing it. I had a hard time remembering that I was not shopping for myself. When someone proved too hard to shop for locally, I turned to Etsy and buying artisan things online. Some of these gifts were huge wins; one of my biggest hits was the Yes and Yes calendar I got for a coworker. So was the sweater mouse I bought.  On the other hand, some of them fell flat. No matter how much I loved the gift and was sure that the person I gave it to would love it, some of them were a bit too quirky to go over well.  I was excited to give one person a glass ornament which had a patch of moss and a miniature gnome habitat inside, complete with instructions on how to attract gnomes… but I don’t think the ornament ever made it onto her tree. Some of the people who got re-usable cloth sandwich bags filled with chocolates were likewise un-thrilled.

After all this, I learned that for the most part, people go straight to box stores because they like the gifts that come from the box stores. And like it or not, if I want them to be the happiest, that’s what I have to do. But at the same time, I feel that something is lost if I do that – that if I shop the same old way, I’m not going to find them something that is truly unique and perfect just for them, replacing that thing (whatever it may be) with loads of nifty yet soulless plastic kitch. I also feel that if I shop at those stores each year, people won’t learn that they like Christmas any other way, and on my own part, I feel that I’m cheapening the holiday by going the mass-market route. Because honestly… can’t they go buy those things from Target without me? I want to give them that cool thing they didn’t even know they wanted, and I want that cool thing to be in harmony with my personal ethics.

So for now, I’m compromising. One year I shop my way. The next year I shop their way. That way, I eliminate the possibility that I’ll buy them two unwanted Christmas gifts in a row and they won’t start dreading my presents, but I still have the possibility once in a while of striking gold on that really awesome, one-of-a-kind, meaningful gift.

I also learned that no matter how creative I get or how old my uncle gets as the years march by… he really does just want me to bake him a plate of cookies!